Jamba Juice Can Suck My Cock

I had a pretty shitty day yesterday, so I decided to make it a little worse by having my first-ever Jamba Juice. For those of you who are lucky enough to have never had the Jamba Juice, heed me well: Jamba Juice is a fucking billion-dollar pyramid scheme perpetrated on young people with disposable income. I don't really have disposable income, so I get doubly fucked for dropping my six bucks on what amounts to a styrofoam cup full of frozen orange juice. What a fucking crock of shit.

On top of it all, each Jamba Juice (which, by the way, is a fittingly faggoty name for a company that peddles such a bullshit product) comes with what's called a "boost" -- some bullshit scoop of powder that purports to give you whatever combination of amino acids will supposedly help make your cock work better these days. Anyway, I had my choice of several bullshit "boosts": fiber, energy, prostate, ecstacy, lithium, lead, cocaine, iPod, etc. On the advice of my hot friend Lindsay (more on her later, if you're lucky), I went with the femme boost, which I guess is supposed to help support a healthy vagina or put milk in your boobs or something. It's been 24 hours since my femme boost and I haven't seen shit in the results department. In hindsight I should've gotten the fiber boost, because at least then I would've gotten a good poop out of it. Jamba Juice can shave my taint.